You know you’re old when…

Someone sent me this. Very funny.

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You know you're old when…

• To read this article, you'll need to increase the font size or you'll need your glasses.

• You can live without sex but not without glasses.

• Your joints are more accurate than the Weather Report.

• Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

• Your back goes out more than you do.

• The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.

• You finally got your head together --- now --- your body is falling apart.

• Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

• You don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.

• It takes twice as long to look half as good.

• People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

• Clothes you've put away until they come back in style --- they're back in style.

• Your mind makes commitments your body can't keep.

• There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

• You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

• You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

• Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

• You look for your glasses for ½ an hour, then find they've been on your nose.

• You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..." or "When I was young…"

• The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

• Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

• Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them.

• Your eyebrows have more hair than you head.

• It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

• The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

• You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.

• You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

• Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

• You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.

• You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

• You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.

• You read more and remember less.

• Younger women start opening doors for you

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