Here's a lovely letter and story that I received via email. If you know of anyone who's thinking of abortion please ask them to read this letter first.
*The names in this letter have been changed in the interest of privacy.
An Adoptive Parent's Plea
~~~
Friday, April 17th, 2009
Dear Mother-to-be,
"You may never know if your child will be happy with the adoptive family. But know this, at the very least, he or she will always be a wanted child."
If you became pregnant by accident and find yourself burdened by it, this letter is written especially to you. You are in a difficult situation and may be feeling confused and frightened. Perhaps you feel that no one understands and you feel very alone. I hope that, one day, you will realise that you aren't really alone.
For a start, I would like to share my story with you in the hope that it will offer you another perspective. Life is hard sometimes, isn't it? We struggle to get a job, to keep it, to maintain relationships with people we care for, as well as with people we don't give a hoot about.
Some people say the struggle is worth it for those things that one holds important. For me, this includes being a mother. Perhaps I thought a child would ease the loneliness. In our 10 years of marriage, my husband and I – we're very different in character – had a difficult time together. Month after month, we tried. When my period came, this evidence of our inability was almost unbearable. I would cry helplessly.
Perhaps my story is no different from others like me. I did everything I could: read endless books on fertility, subjected my body to all kinds of medical treatment, anything that might help. I spent close to $10,000 on a series of endometrosis-related operations, nearly 10 cycles of fertility pills, daily injections of drugs, and rounds of scans. I even changed doctors twice, thinking that I knew more than some of these qualified professionals on the subject. I guess I wasn't thinking too clearly at the time. I began to avoid places where families congregated. I was miserable.
In January 2000, my initially reluctant husband agreed to go with me to see an adoption lawyer. Despite our problems, I felt each of us had the capacity to love someone else's kid as much as our own. We were about to confirm a trip to China when a friend called out of the blue about a Singapore adoption case. A woman in her last trimester wanted to give away her baby as it would be born out of wedlock. I was hopeful. A Singaporean baby was a better option than China and we decided to go for it.
However, after giving birth, the mother changed her mind and decided to keep her baby. We were devastated as this meant we had to start all over again. Several months passed. One day, my sister-in-law said she knew of someone who could help. I was sceptical as we were not in the queue and the chances of getting a Singapore baby were very slim. As it happened, after a series of extraordinary coincidences and through a long chain of contacts, we received news. A pregnant Singaporean woman, in her last trimester, faced the prospect of divorce and life as a single mother to several children. And thus, this stranger made the difficult and courageous decision to give up her new child. Having been burnt once, however, I did not dare hope that this case would go through.
But one eventful day, Serene was born and given over to us, a healthy and normal baby. This was a special "package" that we drove excitedly to the hospital to collect. Since then, things have gone incredibly smoothly. When I think back to how it all happened, I marvel at how God works. Of how the news finally reached our ears through an incredible network of near misses. Our baby is such a joy to us. And I am finally a mother. Part of what makes her so precious is that we're always aware of our great responsibility towards her: it was us who knowingly went out to bring her into our lives.
I believe Serene's birth mother showed phenomenal courage in choosing not to abort her child. By giving her a chance at life, she also gave her a chance to bear a name and identity. A chance to give joy to those unable to have children.
Each year, thousands of women in a difficult situation choose to terminate their pregnancy. Some do so because of financial problems. Others cannot cope with the demands of having yet another mouth to feed. Like the 5,000 unwed mothers who choose to end their pregnancy in Singapore every year, it is very likely you may take this common and convenient route. The route to death.
In your hands lies a powerful choice. It's not an easy thing to contemplate: carrying your child to full-term and then giving him or her away. You may never know if your child will be happy with the adoptive family. But know this, at the very least, he or she will always be a wanted child. By choosing to allow your baby its right to live, you will be giving the greatest of gifts.
Serene is a beautiful and spirited child. At 15 months, she already speaks in short sentences and demands to be heard. She is intelligent, always has an opinion, and acts like a big sister to our family dog, telling Max not to cry if he whimpers. Her parents and grandparents run rings around this little dynamo in an effort to earn her approval. Yes, we're huge fans of hers.
One day, when she is old enough to understand, I will tell her it is her birth mother who has the greatest love for her. Despite her own trying circumstances, she made her choice, and in the process, gave love and hope to others whose lives she touched.
God bless you,
Mrs Terina Boon
*The names in this letter have been changed in the interest of privacy.
Dear Mother-to-be,
"You may never know if your child will be happy with the adoptive family. But know this, at the very least, he or she will always be a wanted child."
If you became pregnant by accident and find yourself burdened by it, this letter is written especially to you. You are in a difficult situation and may be feeling confused and frightened. Perhaps you feel that no one understands and you feel very alone. I hope that, one day, you will realise that you aren't really alone.
For a start, I would like to share my story with you in the hope that it will offer you another perspective. Life is hard sometimes, isn't it? We struggle to get a job, to keep it, to maintain relationships with people we care for, as well as with people we don't give a hoot about.
Some people say the struggle is worth it for those things that one holds important. For me, this includes being a mother. Perhaps I thought a child would ease the loneliness. In our 10 years of marriage, my husband and I – we're very different in character – had a difficult time together. Month after month, we tried. When my period came, this evidence of our inability was almost unbearable. I would cry helplessly.
Perhaps my story is no different from others like me. I did everything I could: read endless books on fertility, subjected my body to all kinds of medical treatment, anything that might help. I spent close to $10,000 on a series of endometrosis-related operations, nearly 10 cycles of fertility pills, daily injections of drugs, and rounds of scans. I even changed doctors twice, thinking that I knew more than some of these qualified professionals on the subject. I guess I wasn't thinking too clearly at the time. I began to avoid places where families congregated. I was miserable.
In January 2000, my initially reluctant husband agreed to go with me to see an adoption lawyer. Despite our problems, I felt each of us had the capacity to love someone else's kid as much as our own. We were about to confirm a trip to China when a friend called out of the blue about a Singapore adoption case. A woman in her last trimester wanted to give away her baby as it would be born out of wedlock. I was hopeful. A Singaporean baby was a better option than China and we decided to go for it.
However, after giving birth, the mother changed her mind and decided to keep her baby. We were devastated as this meant we had to start all over again. Several months passed. One day, my sister-in-law said she knew of someone who could help. I was sceptical as we were not in the queue and the chances of getting a Singapore baby were very slim. As it happened, after a series of extraordinary coincidences and through a long chain of contacts, we received news. A pregnant Singaporean woman, in her last trimester, faced the prospect of divorce and life as a single mother to several children. And thus, this stranger made the difficult and courageous decision to give up her new child. Having been burnt once, however, I did not dare hope that this case would go through.
But one eventful day, Serene was born and given over to us, a healthy and normal baby. This was a special "package" that we drove excitedly to the hospital to collect. Since then, things have gone incredibly smoothly. When I think back to how it all happened, I marvel at how God works. Of how the news finally reached our ears through an incredible network of near misses. Our baby is such a joy to us. And I am finally a mother. Part of what makes her so precious is that we're always aware of our great responsibility towards her: it was us who knowingly went out to bring her into our lives.
I believe Serene's birth mother showed phenomenal courage in choosing not to abort her child. By giving her a chance at life, she also gave her a chance to bear a name and identity. A chance to give joy to those unable to have children.
Each year, thousands of women in a difficult situation choose to terminate their pregnancy. Some do so because of financial problems. Others cannot cope with the demands of having yet another mouth to feed. Like the 5,000 unwed mothers who choose to end their pregnancy in Singapore every year, it is very likely you may take this common and convenient route. The route to death.
In your hands lies a powerful choice. It's not an easy thing to contemplate: carrying your child to full-term and then giving him or her away. You may never know if your child will be happy with the adoptive family. But know this, at the very least, he or she will always be a wanted child. By choosing to allow your baby its right to live, you will be giving the greatest of gifts.
Serene is a beautiful and spirited child. At 15 months, she already speaks in short sentences and demands to be heard. She is intelligent, always has an opinion, and acts like a big sister to our family dog, telling Max not to cry if he whimpers. Her parents and grandparents run rings around this little dynamo in an effort to earn her approval. Yes, we're huge fans of hers.
One day, when she is old enough to understand, I will tell her it is her birth mother who has the greatest love for her. Despite her own trying circumstances, she made her choice, and in the process, gave love and hope to others whose lives she touched.
God bless you,
Mrs Terina Boon
*The names in this letter have been changed in the interest of privacy.
~~~
